21 things a woman should or shouldn’t do – Overanalyzing an article about overanalyzing

This is a response to an article on elitedaily.com called “21 Things Every Woman Needs To Stop Overanalyzing Before They Ruin Her Life”, which for some reason is available at the following link: http://elitedaily.com/women/25-things-women-analyze-need-stop/770918/

Note that the link features 25 things, while the title just 21. Which makes me very curious about the four that didn’t make the final list.

Regardless, the following is meant to provide a guy’s point of view, because the original article is advice coming from a girl (Lauren Martin, the author) to other girls (the readers that are female, obviously). And here comes the guy, who evidently read this on a girl’s Facebook Timeline, posted by another girl. He’s not exactly sure where he fits into this whole thing, but he read the article out of curiosity and feels he should elaborate on some points, while actually clarifying others that are a bit untrue. And, of course, reinforce those that are 100% correct.

He also hates people that talk about themselves in the third person, so he’ll try to start writing like a normal human being right now. “Mkay?”

The author of the original article (Lauren Martin) states that women are overanalyzing and this is slowly killing them. There are good and bad sides of this.

One good side is that it’s better to be overanalyzing than underanalyzing, or even not analyzing at all. It means you have a brain, and a conscience, and they work like they’re supposed to.

Another good side is that this is slowly killing them. Because life is slowly killing all of us, and if women are getting slowly killed by overanalyzing as well, this means that they’re getting killed twice as slowly as men, which explains why women live longer. Right? Right?

The bad side is that overanalyzing can lead to extreme reactions and exaggerations. So there you have it. That is it. This is what the author of the original article means to help you avoid.

Now off we go to check every point she tried to make. But this time, we do it from a man’s point of view. Be sure you read everything carefully, there might be hidden messages (maybe this is just an attempt to tease you into overanalyzing this, or maybe not…)

The true story, exclusively here. The movie will be out next summer. Presumably. If someone has a lot of money and nothing better to do with them than this.

1. Text messages

Interestingly enough, the article is right and wrong with this one. While text messages themselves shouldn’t have much meaning, the fact they were sent to you actually does. When a guy texts, it means he thinks about you. Unless he specifically asks for help with homework or some job-related issue, he 100% likes you. Because “How are you?” for no reason doesn’t exist. Speaking of grammar, obviously, you shouldn’t even bother with a guy that doesn’t get his straight. So you should avoid the “k” people. 😉 The pun was unintended. 🙂

2. Text messages you’ve sent.

Naturally, you should totally relax. It really doesn’t matter, at least not for you. The funny thing is, the messages will confuse the hell out of him, and whatever you say, he’ll interpret in many ways and wonder for a very long time what you actually meant. You can have tons of fun by sending weird messages and then sitting back and enjoying the show. This is when HE overanalyzes. Bear in mind that whatever you say or do, if he really likes/loves you, you can’t lose him. He’ll eat up all the crap (figuratively speaking) you’re throwing at him and then come back for more (literally – see what I did there? :D).

3. Text messages you never got

Despite the fact that if he doesn’t text you chances are he doesn’t like you, three days isn’t that long of a time. It mostly depends on context and can’t be generalized. Best thing to do? See if he avoids you. If his texts are just excuses for not meeting up, he’s clearly uninterested. If his texts are missing completely for a very long time, just move on. He’s ignoring you. No sane guy would not answer your text in more than 24 hours, unless you’ve sent it on his secondary phone, which was on silent and he never checked it in two days (happened to one guy once, he’s not proud of it and never wants to mention that moment again).

4. Drinks versus Dinner

Right thing to do: he should ask you what you prefer. Second right thing to do: he should see to it that it happens.

5. The Talk

Um… Agreed. Things happen when they happen. You don’t need to worry. Let him do it instead. It’s the natural way. 😉

6. Your shoes

Like any other piece of clothing, shoes can break an outfit, but the truth is he doesn’t care about them. He always cares about you. Those who care about the shoes are usually gay. Not that gay is bad, but it’s obviously not what you need. Right?

7. Compliments

Often he says “Pretty” because he’s afraid that if he’ll say “Beautiful”, it will be too much and you’ll think he exaggerates and just says it to try and take advantage of you. So know this: he always means “beautiful” when he says “pretty”…

8. To shave or not to shave

Valid point from the author of the original article. She’s right when she says he’ll be okay with it if he loves you. Or if he likes it that way. Or both. Anyway, don’t be afraid, it’s perfectly fine.

9. Sex stuff

Evidently, it’s totally true. Actually, he should be the one overanalyzing this and asking himself (and maybe even you) if he was good. This is a bit more complex, since he should also ask you what you like before you do it (in order for him to be any good he has to know what to do, what gives you pleasure), and if you’d like it to be good, you should really tell him if he asks. Anyway, thing you should know: guys are sexually obsessed (every one of them, though it’s not as bad as it sounds), so whatever you tell him, you’re okay, he’ll love it. He will always wait for you to tell your “side of the story” since he is too afraid that his side is worse, but he’ll love it once you do. And he won’t judge. And he’ll tell you his “side of the story” back, so it’s a good way to share stuff with each other. He’ll also 100% gonna do what you ask him, regardless of what it is. 😉

10. Casual run-ins

Since what the author said is pretty much okay, and it applies to both guys and girls, don’t worry, he’s as concerned as you are – if he likes/loves you. If he’s not, then he doesn’t, then you shouldn’t worry about him anyway. So just don’t worry. Whatever you do, don’t worry.


11. Your best friends

Yeah, a guy can’t really provide any feedback on this matter, since two guys being best friends are totally different than two girls being best friends. So… the author might be right. Most likely.

12. Your zodiac sign

Obviously, it does not matter. Although it’s always nice when you happen to find someone with a zodiac sign that’s regarded as compatible. It just adds a nice ring to it, makes it feel like it was meant to happen. And that’s wonderful! On the other hand… Wait, Buzzfeed quizzes are not accurate?

13. Your hair

Uber-awesome! He loves it!

14. What he said in bed

Maybe you shouldn’t get in bed with someone that would say anything just to get in bed with you. You should be with someone who understands that relationships are more than getting in bed with each other, and who’s really ready for all the other parts as well, like paying the bills, getting groceries or washing the dishes (Why not?). 😉

15. What people think of you

Everybody wonders about this. But in reality it doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is what you think of you. And you think you’re awesome. Because you are. Really.


Latest trend in pessimism: “He doesn’t like me, my boobs are too small.” He loves them. Because he likes/loves you. And your boobs are never small. They’re just lovely and he adores them. Like he adores your entire body, your mind, your smile and your favorite books&movies. And more than that. Practically everything that’s connected to you in some way.

17. Our social media “likes”

Absolutely irrelevant. You don’t need hundreds or thousands. You don’t need tens. You need one, and you need it in real life, from the guy that likes/loves you. And he’ll give it to you regardless, because it’s what he does. And it defines what he feels for you. When you get such a like, it’s worth more than a billion Facebook likes.

18. Text back response time

Really? We’re back on texting? Why didn’t we have this in the beginning? To clear this up: If it’s been five minutes and he didn’t answer, he’s not necessarily uninterested, but something might prevent him for being able to reply fast enough, like he might be away from his phone or something. It’s 100% not a videogame because no videogame in this Universe can stop him from replying you if he likes/loves you.

19. People at the gym

Indeed, people at the gym tend to think more about themselves. This behaviour is mostly found in women though. In case of men, if there’s also female presence in the gym at the same time, some of the latter might tend to “check the ladies out”. These are the kind of guys you shouldn’t go to bed with (see no. 14), because they see you as a piece of meat.

20. Lols

Essentially, the author is correct, different writing styles don’t necessarily mean you are not good for each other. Ultimately, it’s exactly like she says: “You can ignore the texts, but you can’t ignore the chemistry. Don’t analyze his “lol” until you’ve heard him laugh in person.”

21. Your day-to-day happiness

Needless to say, you should stop overanalyzing so much, but don’t stop for good. A little bit of overanalyzing from time to time is fine, and it actually makes life more fascinating! You go girl! 😉


The End

P.S.: Even though he said he hates people who talk about themselves in the third person, the author of this article couldn’t write like a normal human being and in fact kept writing about himself in the third person throughout the entire article. He apologizes if he offended you in any way and offers to fix any damage done via any means you propose. Including Paypal.